Exploring The Ego and Maintaining Balance
When we think of the ego, we generally have an inaccurate representation of what it is. We associate the term "egomaniac" with people like Kanye West– he even released a 2008 collab with Beyonce, reinforcing the ego stereotype. The ego is responsible for these types of people; however, it's much deeper than that.
We all have an ego, and as long as we live as human beings in this 3d world, we'll never get rid of it. The ego is the part of you that is based in fear and scarcity. It's the part of you that says you are not enough, you do not have enough, and the only way to feel an inner state of enoughness is to go outside of you and get all these things that you have deemed necessary. Whether it's love, money, success, etc., your ego wants to long for all these outside experiences. But no matter how much you have, you will never be fulfilled by listening to your ego. Luckily, there are ways to keep it under control so you can live a fulfilling life while still manifesting your desires.
To be clear, you absolutely can manifest from an egoic state; however, once you get your desire, you most likely won't be fulfilled. That's because true happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace come from inside of you. It comes from you filling your own needs with thoughts of self-love and abundance. If you disagree, look to our society. Think of any celebrity who has all the money in the world but is still miserable. They're miserable because they're trying to use exterior things to fill in an inner void.
Some people spend their entire lives thinking these materialistic things will make them happy. Maybe they want to feel important and to do that they believe they must impress their friends or family. Perhaps they want the millions of dollars to show it off to all their high school bullies. Maybe they want a career so they can make their family proud.
When you are living from your ego, you are constantly chasing things to fill a void. But when you stop letting your ego control your life, that is when you find fulfillment. The best way to take control of your ego is to ask yourself why you want your desires. Do I want this because I'm trying to impress someone? Do I want this because I'm trying to prove a point? Am I trying to make myself feel whole or important? Do I believe that having this thing will somehow improve how I feel about myself or my life? If the answer to any of these is yes, then you're most certainly manifesting from an egoic state.
It's also a good idea to do some shadow work which requires you to look at your childhood and dig deep into your wounds. Did you have unsupportive parents or family members that you're now trying to please so that you can get the validation you never received as a child? That's your ego leading the way!
Now that we've identified that all these outside things are ego-based, does that mean we should never desire anything again, and if we do, we're egotistical? This is a question I had to ask myself.
"Those who have not found their true wealth, which is the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer."-Eckhart Tolle
Since my awakening, I sometimes go through periods of extreme guilt and existential crisis. If I'm a spiritual being and none of this is real, why does any of it matter? Why do I need money, or mansions, or a dream job? Isn't that all 3d, egotistical stuff? Partly, yes, but it doesn't mean you should feel bad about having desires or manifesting those desires.
Recently, I started freaking out, wondering if all the things I thought I wanted to manifest meant anything at all. Did I only want these desires because of my ego? I felt so guilty for wanting to manifest my desires. I started to question if I should throw my whole life away, including all of my goals and plans, and meditate on a mountain somewhere in a far-off country for the rest of my life.
I was doing a lot of Eckhart Tolle research. I had even just checked his book The Power Of Now out of the library. I was caught between manifesting my dreams and being someone like him. Would he think all of my desires were egotistical and keeping me stuck in a never-ending cycle of suffering? This went on for a few days. I felt incredibly anxious. Then I realized all of this overthinking and fear came from the exact thing I was trying not to get caught in–my ego. Your ego is very good at tricking you. But every single irrational fear is coming from this place. I then googled Eckhart Tolle and found a picture of him in a Ralph Lauren sweater vest! I felt ridiculous. I spent all that time panicking about my ego while the very man who claims to have eliminated his ego is wearing a designer sweater vest. Isn't that entirely contradicting?
I then talked to a friend about all these existential thoughts and worries about nothing being real and getting caught in my ego, and she told me this, "Sometimes you need a sweater vest for your flesh suit, if I'm not gonna be real, I'm not gonna be real in designer clothes!"
I thought this was hysterical, and at the same time, it completely calmed my mind and brought me into clarity. We are here on this Earth to experience all the abundance we can imagine, and we should never feel guilty about anything we desire. I realized my goal is to feel fulfilled with my life, but as long as I am practicing self-love and feeling whole within myself, I can also enjoy things like money, mansions, and designer clothes. You're allowed to experience whatever you want, but it's essential to acknowledge that those things cannot fulfill you.
So does all this mean you should be fulfilled with what you already have and who you already are? Yes and no. In order to truly be happy, you have to understand that you are enough and you have enough as you are right now. When you stop needing things outside of you to make you happy, not only will it be so much easier to manifest them, but you'll always live a happy and fulfilling life. However, you're allowed to soak up all the abundance life has to offer. You're allowed to grow, evolve, and obtain things you've never had before. So don't feel guilty, don't fall into the trap of your ego, and always make sure you are living in genuine, authentic fulfillment.
For more on ego and guilt for having desires check out these links!
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